1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
