i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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