I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
