My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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