So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
