i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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