i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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