Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wish there were birth control emojis
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
