my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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