Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize