i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
