my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
