Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
