You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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