I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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