That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize