so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
