I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
