Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
