Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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