she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
