Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
zippers are such a cool invention
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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