"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
