as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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