he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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