dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize