Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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