Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
