There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
