somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You're breaking my sexual little heart
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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