I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
