so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
