; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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