And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
