i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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