Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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