I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
