Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
