His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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