It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
