After last night, I could never be a politician.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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