The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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