Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
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