We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
