saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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