Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My vagina is officially offended.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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