the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
