Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
