What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize