I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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