you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
