Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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