I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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