She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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