I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
