Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
