I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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