So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
