I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
