I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize