OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
