would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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