We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
