I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize