are you so shy because you have an std?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
