Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize