Umm I'm too high to move.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
