Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
