After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
