me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize