they need to just BURY HIM!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize