i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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