I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
