I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
