4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Duck Duck Cougar?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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