Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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