We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
