I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
