Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
