You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
