this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
