i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize
