Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
