My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
